Judgment: Good or Bad?

Today, I’m recycling a blog I created a few years back, maybe because the Monday muse hasn’t been singing as loudly to me as I might like and maybe because, it was a really useful blog at the time. So, if you’ve read this before, I apologize. If you haven’t perhaps you, like me, can find value in it today. Even years later, I find it holds truth.

 

I catch myself feeling judgmental – and not in a good way. 

After all, in coaching, we provide a “judgment-free” space, one where the client can come and know that whatever they say will be heard, clarified, respected and if need be, reflected back to them for further consideration.  But they won’t be judged.

 Judgment isn’t a bad word. In fact, the very first definition the dictionary offers is “to make a considered decision; the ability to discern wisely” – and that of course, explains having good judgment.

Small lighted sign that reads in all caps: YOU ARE ENOUGH

But the dictionary also goes on to offer that judgment leads to the formation of an opinion – which may lead to a consequence, even a punishment (as in God’s judgment). Here, is where we humans ought not to tread. Coaches are human, of course and can certainly fall prey to the same proclivities that everyone experiences, including the tendency to be judgmental.

For me, I find my unflattering judgment falls upon those whose struggles are similar to my own – which means of course that in the moment of judging others, I am really condemning myself. While this is a very human habit, we can fall into we can also choose to step up and out of it with some focused self-awareness.

Letting go of judgmentalism. . .

So, what can I do when I hear the voice in my head saying very snarky, judgmental things? First, I can recognize this voice as the second cousin of my inner-critic.

She’s the one who, instead of berating ME, chooses to take the side-attack and berate others. She picks on people I don’t even know, strangers who look like me, sound like me, act like me. In essence, this is a part of myself making a sneaky attack not really directed toward others, but toward myself (after all, she too is MY voice, My opinion, and thus My judge). She’s really just ME judging ME.

Second, I can simply tell her to please, Shut up! And the best way I’ve found to do that is to call upon my inner angel (yup, we’ve all got one of them too!). My inner angel simple gazes upon the person who’s been the target of my inner judge and says softly, “bless you!”

Which, I hope by now you realize, blesses both the stranger and me. The judgments we carry around with us (especially if they reflect sour or snarky opinions) are really self-judgments disguised as commentary about others who remind us of ourselves!

So, that’s my antidote to self-judgment (and other-judgment, for that matter) – blessing! It is like calling on your higher consciousness, your better self (maybe even your best self) to counteract the noise that’s happening in your brain and instead BLESS the stranger AND bless yourself. It is a little like forgiveness.

Having good judgment is a gift. If you are aware that you make good decisions more often than not, be grateful and offer up a blessing just for that!

Having snarky, opinionated judgments is human – but definitely NOT a gift. If you find yourself, as I do, falling prey to this bad habit, locate your inner angel and find a way to turn your thoughts toward blessing.

Wishing you a day of calm inner-voices, the ones that have only good things to say (to yourself and others). But, if you find yourself having a bad day, a day of noisy, clamoring, unpleasant self-talk, please know that I’m sending you MY blessing, if only because I need it for myself, too!

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About Paula

I help other caregivers – both professionals and family caregivers – acknowledge their pain and learn to practice the many small skills of self-care that can sustain them through the challenges of wholeheartedly caring for others.

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How Can I Help You?

Through Co-Create 4 Life, you will learn a range of well-being strategies from skillfully implementing self-care to holistic approaches to well-being, rebuilding resilience, and battling burnout. Book a free consultation call today to discuss your options.

How Can I Help You?

Through Co-Create 4 Life, you will learn a range of well-being strategies from skillfully implementing self-care to holistic approaches to well-being, rebuilding resilience, and battling burnout. Book a free consultation call today to discuss your options.